Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The one about F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (Part Duo)

Main Characters :

Eva (Catherine the Summoner, a power frenzy robot, that is trying to take over the world)
Artorian (Fighter (M), hyperactive, a typical male)
CleoPetra (Idge the Battlesmith, madly in love with the fighter)

Act one, scene two : in Meridian of Zeia

-Eva :"Pesky humans... Destroying my dolls... HAVE NO FEAR MY MINIONS YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!!!
-Artorian: (Uses Provoke; Bring it on!): Woo-Hoo!" (Starts smashing werewolves with his sword):"Come here little doggie! I won't hurt you.. much..! (Suddenly finds himself surrounded with 6 mobs) "Well I never tought you'd hate me that much after using Provoke!"
-CleoPetra : (From somewhere far behind): "I'm coming... (adding quietly) My Love..." (Jumps next to the fighter, and spins her polearm all around her, knocking back all the mobs) "There.. all safe"
The mobs now start to get up, and run away.

-Eva: (
Angry) " By the creator... you stupid organism, you're useless as ever!" "Now the mobs have ran away, what are we going to do now!?!"
-Artorian : "Ladies, ladies... relax... It's not like those were the only mobs on the map!"
-Eva: (Still enraged) "Doesn't matter... they're hard enough to kill, and now the "Fat One", (points to CleoPetra) drew them away!"
-CleoPetra : (Loud) "I'm not fat! It's these baggy pants... they make my legs look... chunky"
-Artorian: (In a quiet voice) "...yeah and yesterday you said you were "Big Boned" ..."
-CleoPetra: (hearing the remark) "Et tu, my love, et tu...? (then adding louder) "And Eva, where were your dolls? You didn't help at all!"
-Eva : (puts hands on her own hips, in a defensive tone)"Well so - rry, if I hate watching my people die!... Not to mention the toolboxes are expensive."
-Artorian : "Wait... Your people? You're nothing more than a dumb A.I., a product of the guy with the funky hair, who couldn't go over the loss of his daughter!" (Dr. Torsche refference)

(Meanwhile CleoPetra starts moving slowly and quietly behind the robot)

-Eva (continues): " ...BOW BEFORE MY MIGHTY ARMY OF MINIONS THAT SHALL ENSLAVE ALL OF HUMANITY! RUN IN FEAR AS THE RIGHTEOUS HAMMER OF WRATH 10100110001010011100..." (Her eyes suddenly turn to dark blue, as the robot shuts down)
-Artorian : (confused)" ... okay what just happened?"
(Head of the battlesmith suddenly pops up from behind the robot, smiling)
-CleoPetra : "I've shut her off"
-Artorian:" Ooh, She's gonna be pissed when she boots-up"
-CleoPetra :"Nah, it was about time we formatted and upgraded her"
-Artorian: (quietly) " Phew, so much for forgetting to delete my browser history..."
-CleoPetra: "YOUR WHAT?!?" (Now angered) "You were using her to check up on your e-mails, weren't you?"
-Artorian : "Riiiight... e-mails..." (After a short pause) "What OS was she running on anyway?"
(The battlesmith opens a panel on the robots back)
-CleoPetra: "Let me check" (The infotab on the robot says: Windows Vista, 2005 All Rights Reserved) (Laughs) "No wonder."

-Artorian :(Grabs the useless robot, and puts her over his shoulder) "Let's head back. We need to upgrade her."
-CleoPetra: (adding) "And deliver the quest to queen Hamaan."
-Artorian: (quietly)" And to see that fine ass of hers..."
-CleoPetra: (now angry again after hearing that comment) "WHAT?!?"
-Artorian: "Oh, nothing, nothing..."

After a while our heroes stop.

-CleoPetra: (
Annoyed) "What is it now?
-Artorian: "Something just occured to me."
-CleoPetra: "Well, this should be good" (making fun of the Fighters low INT, turns around and faces him)
-Artorian: "We were in the Meridian of Zeia..."
-CleoPetra: "Yeah..."
-Artorian: (continues) "Meridian meaning half a day...."
-CleoPetra: "Yeah... where are you going with this?"
-Artorian: (interrupts her) "Just hear me out. We were killing werewolves..."
-CleoPetra: "Correct..."
-Artorian: "...which need MOONLIGHT to turn from humans to werewolves..."
-CleoPetra: (
starts putting together pieces in her mind) "I think I see your point. How could we have been killing werewolves in the middle of the day? They should have turned to humans already..."
-Artorian: "Something's not right here. Lemme try something"
(The fighter drops the robot on the ground, runs to the nearest werewolf and instakills him with Centella)
-CleoPetra: (impressed with the fighters strength and stars in her eyes)" My hero <3"
(The fighter drags the body of the werewolf to the girls, and drops it on the floor with a loud thud, and a proud expression on his face, similiar to that of a cat that just dropped a dead mouse at your feet)
-CleoPetra: (Lets out a girly shriek) (Then after closer inspection of the body) "Wait, is that a mask?"
-Artorian: "A what?"
-CleoPetra : (Grabs the lower neck of the werewolf, and pulls of a rubber mask) "See?"
-Artorian: "Well I'll be damned"
(After a careful inspection of the pseudowarewolf, the battlesmith recognizes the face of the NPC Risia)
-CleoPetra: "It's that NPC that gave us the quest!"
-Artorian: "But why?" "Were they trying to scare off the Pioneers from stealing their Ti/Ar runes? Why not post a big sign that says: "No stealing Runes!" "I swear to god, this is like a really bad Scobby-Doo episode."
CleoPetra: "Yeah, great work Shaggy!"
-Artorian (-.-) :"Shut it Velma!"
-CleoPetra: (Offended because she was called Velma, and not Daphne) "I hate you!" (Slaps the fighter and runs away towards Zeia)
-Artorian: "God I hate her..."

After that CleoPetra's Facebook relationship status was changed to "It's complicated", which was liked by Claude Baudez.

Ooh and after a careful inspection by an I.T. Specialist, Eva was upgraded with Win7, and now serves as Artorian's personal sex slave.

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